At this very moment, a collection of symbiotic atoms are creating your beautiful consciousness enbalmed in your own unique organic vessel.
Right now, the way all of the atoms are arranged- and I phrase it like this because time is merely a human concept (a way of making sense of this experience, if you will)- in such a way that you can experience via sound, vision, smell, and touch, the universe in all of it’s glory.
Let me rephrase this one more time for emphasis:
Here you are, this product of a couple of particles billions of years ago, among billions of other humans, animals, planets, stars, solar systems, galaxies, matter, dark matter, and all of existence, all of the same origin, and you have been gifted with the ability to observe it all, observe the physical state of the universe, of which you are a part of.
I mean, you literally are an arm of the universe that gets to observe itself, relish in it, and experience a brief portion of this catastrophically bizare experience. I mean, you are every bit as much “the universe” as everything you see in your immediate surroundings, as the sun, the moon, as a quark. You are just particles like everything else, except that you are lucky enough to be self-aware, and have the freedom to do as you wish with yourself. You’ve been gifted with YOU, this part of the universe that you have control over.
It’s really quite incredible, and beautiful when you pull your head out of the ground and see your life in this way, for what it actually is. It saddens me that it took me 21 years to reach a place where I feel this way, and it is disheartening- even more-so - to see my friends, and so many other people from my generation, completely oblivious to it.
I feel like largely the internet is to blame. Social media, although it had it’s merits, has become a way of perpetuating this self-agrandizing instant-satisfaction culture we live in. We’re so wrapped up in the way we are digitally perceived, and in a constant quest for breif information and stimuli to keep us going, that we have become numb to the beauty in life. And outside of the daily digital drip we’ve hooked ourselves up to, were are our other priorities placed?
In the aquisition of cultural status, money, and inanimate objects that will in no way contribute to our happiness or the significance of our lives.
We’ve got it ass-backwards people. What a terrible waste of what we’ve been given. Children born into our society are dead before they’ve taken there first breath. Another cog in the machine we’ve created.
Part of me wants to save up and travel somewhere else in the world completely alone. I feel like I’d be so much more confident alone in the world for some reason.
I know that deep in my soul, every-time that I analyze what I want to do in my life, it all comes down to one thing. Regardless of how unrealistic it is, the honest answer to the question is that music is the only remotely meaningful thing to me and Im passionate about it.
I don’t want a normal life, I don’t want to settle for that. I don’t want a day job and a subscription to cable television. I dont want to be another desk amongst millions of other desks. I don’t want to be a local coked up DJ who wonders why he hasn’t made it huge yet and thinks hes the best shit. I want to be the guy who in the face of life and societal norms, ignores everything and dedicates himself and makes his dreams happens while everyone else is settling for mediocrity.
I may be your average over-confident 21 year-old who thinks he can do anything- this is actually caused by the hippocampus not being fully developed yet- but I don’t care, I’m not going to let that stop me. I need to get my head in the game and stop giving a fuck about anything other than my music and the progress it’s making, and get my health in line to follow that goal.
Some people just like to settle for a life of avoiding reality, trashing their bodies to buy out another few hours of a dopamine or a seratonin enduced state of pseudo-happiness that fades after every use. Slowly degrading the body and the mind. The problem being that the more reality is avoided with copious amounts of booze and drugs, the worse the actual reality gets. And eventually we all die, and life is fucking short. There isn’t much time to fuck up with.
I’m just not into that and my entire generation seems to be.
I just want more than that out of the one fucking experience I get in this goddamn universe before I am nothing, fuck me right?
I feel like Im on drugs right now, I’m in such an elated mood. Fuck my mood is all over the place. I wish I could just be in this state of mind forever, wtf!